if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
