so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
