WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
