yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
