There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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