Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Acid is not a monday night drug
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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