My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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