So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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