I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
