Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
