On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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