my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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