I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
