"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
