Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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