After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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