Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
