sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
