Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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