Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
