Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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