I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
