Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
