There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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