you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
