I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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