I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
