I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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