May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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