this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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