i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
