This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
