i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
