My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
