I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
