Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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