Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
