I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got inside last night via doggy door
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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