I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
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I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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