There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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