My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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