:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
