i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
