What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
