I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you made out with another girl for some wings
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
