Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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