Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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