mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
