Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014