what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa