Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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