dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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