Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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