your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
