...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
