so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
