That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
