Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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