Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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