The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
