I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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