I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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